So its been almost half a year. Where have I been? Truth be told I haven't been doing much at all.

Ive been feeling really shit for a long time now, and not only has it hurt my ability to create music but its hurt my ability to live normally too. I found out last month that I'm clinically depressed, and that explains a lot of how Ive been feeling for a long time.

Back when I first started doing this I loved it, even though I was bad back then I didn't care because I thought it sounded cool to me at the time. Slowly I just started to enjoy doing it less and less... seeing it as a chore, too much effort. I compared myself to other artists, some of which I know personally... and it put me down, because their stuff was better than mine so I figured what was the point in even trying if I'm doomed to fail? So I didn't.

Ive had a history of believing that the best way you can improve at something is to critique yourself, and whilst I stand by that still I subconsciously take it way too far. I started seeing my own work through some sort of filter, that only let the negatives through.

I also started to become anxious about sharing my work. Back when I first started I used to put up "Previews" for stuff frequently, I was enthusiastic to share what I made with others... Over time I became more insecure, whenever I see negative feedback I start to get a heart sinking feeling in my chest, its not very pleasant. I was constantly seeking praise in order to try and disprove my own self beliefs about myself, to prove to myself that I am good enough to do what I do. Because otherwise why put in the effort?

A lot of people hear the word depression and think that it just means being sad all the time, its not that easy at all. Depression sucks all the life out of you, all of the joy out of living and stops you from doing things you used to love doing.

I'm already getting help for my condition and I'm not in any sort of danger at all so don't worry about me.

If you didn't guess already I'm going to be taking a break. A long one until my head is sorted out. I don't want to make music if its just a chore, I want to enjoy doing it. I want to be able to like the things I'm making. I hope you understand this.

To those who read this, thank you. Whilst a lot of this is a bit rambly its just me getting my thoughts out there which I think is a good thing. Im hoping to come back eventually and put in the hours I need to in order to take all of this further.

Its been a few months since I last put out a post so here is a new one!

If you havent checked it out yet I put out my first song in over a year the other day:

https://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/818210

The last time I made a news post I was letting you all know I had exams coming up so I was going to be busy... well they didnt go that well, I failed 4 modules. Two core and two optional, so I have to resit the two core exams in the first week of september if I want to carry on with my course at university in october. I have a revision schedule and everything, I just need to have the will power to stick to it. Im not going to be completely busy over the next month but I will have less free time to do stuff. Not that this really matters since my rate of production is that slow, although there is a second project which I have been working on in parallel with the project I released the other day... Its quite a bit more complex however, having a lot more different sounds and patterns. Its also going to be a bit longer when its done (Im guessing about 4 and a half minutes) I dont like making false promises so Im not giving an ETA, it comes when it is ready.

Another thing I think I need to talk about is my poor self esteem and lack of motivation with music making, whenever I first start a project Im very ambitious about what it can be however when I start to devellop it and it becomes more of a song and less of a concept I end up thinking that what Im doing isnt good enough and I put it on a back burner and proceed to start a new project. That or I run out of ideas. This feeling of running into a brick wall when making stuff just crushes my motivation and makes me wonder why I even bother in the first place, so I just dont do it a lot of the time. The thing is I want to keep making music deep down because when Im in the zone I truly do enjoy myself. I just need to find a way to overcome this hurdle... listening back though what I do really isnt bad at all, its just a feeling I get mid production.

Im trying my best to be optimistic about the future, Im going to absolutely nail those resits and hopefully start pumping out content more regularly... maybe eventually Ill get requests from people for me to make OSTs for their own work, which is kind of the dream for me right now. I want this to be my job some day, but until then I just have to keep trying :)

If youve made it this far thanks for taking the time to read this... walls of text can be offputting sometimes.

Ill let you all know how things go some time next month, thanks - Arrez

Hey everyone! Its been a while since I made one of these so I figured Im a bit overdue.

I have exams fast approaching (my first one is next monday! yikes! :O ) but my exams arent the only thing approaching; so is summer slowly but surely.

Ive said this a lot before so you have every right to doubt me but I believe that once my exams are over with and I have 3 months of basically no work I can start taking my music a lot more seriously than I am now.

This is the part where I would usually lie both to myself and you about why I havent been that active, Im going to be transparent this time. Over the past couple of years Ive only opened up FL studio now and again to work on my projects in half hour intervals, Id always get bored or frustrated that I cant do what I want to in the project due to a lack of knowledge. Most times it is the latter reason, Music was never a main hobby of mine but just a side hobby. Im hoping to change that soon enough.

Summer is approaching... but I also have a couple of WIP projects approaching completion Including a collab and one or two normal tracks. I cant wait to share them :) No ETA's because I dont know what my work schedule is going to be over the next two months.

Wishing you all the best - Arrez

Happy new year everyone! :D

So I didnt get anything I said I would do done... I hate myself so much but new year is time for change, so I will do just that. I hope to change my habits eventually but for now I think it is going to be easier to change my expectations.

No ETA for future projects being released, they will come out when they are finished be it next week or next year. I find that this will help reduce the stress when it comes to me making stuff because I no longer feel like I have to do it.

I currently have 5 projects which I am currently working on and flipping between, One of which Id say is about 50% complete. Another is a collab. My best guess as to which is coming first would probably be the collab track but know Im not completely dead, just really REALLY slow. I cant wait to share these projects with you as they are definitely some of my best works so far and they arent even finished ;)

Thats the music-y update stuff done, if thats all you care about congrats! you can stop reading here.

I have thouroughly enjoyed my christmas break away from university but Im going back next this weekend, I will have work again but my work rate will stay the same pretty much since it is already really slow. Although for these next two months Im going to try and time manage myself a lot better to avoid repeating my situation the last week before going home for christmas (It was horrible)

Anyway thank you for reading, wishing you all the best for 2018!

Ha... Figured it was time to make another one of these with everything going on right now.

Summer hasnt exactly been as productive as Id have hoped, I was hoping to get a ton of music out but I just kept putting it off... Damn it I hate being lazy. I have multiple projects WIP at the moment and its just a matter of finishing them, Im hoping to get one finished by the end of august but with my motivational problem it may end up being pushed back, it will come when it comes is what Im trying to say.

Speaking of summer progress the track I have uploaded so far this summer, Rapture, has just recieved an update with a redone master as the old one was really... well, crap. Go check it out if you have the time:

http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/755024

Lets talk about the future now, mainly the rest of this year. I got my exam results on Thursday and Im proud to say I got what I needed to get into my university of choice ^_^ yay! This means Im going to be very tied up starting in october but I plan to do some things at uni to help me out with my music, I plan to relearn the violin at some point hopefully. I will need to get a job to do that but hopefully it will be worth it (Expect covers on my youtube channel when Im compotent xD) I also want to invest in a midi keyboard and learn to use it as well as purchase a few new VST plugins to make the different sounds in my music more diverse... I really need to get a job to afford all that though, Im not popular enough to accept charity ;3;

I have some stuff planned out in the way of collabs over the next few months including two with ThePredator, one of which is currently in progress. I also want to do some kind of remix later this year but Im not sure what to remix yet x), I want to enjoy doing it so Id rather choose it myself. Other than that I dont really know what to say other than thanks for sticking with me even though there is a huge deficit on music right now, hopefully Ill have less frustration and more obligation to work on stuff going forward!

Thanks :)

Okay, so its been half a year yet again *sigh* definitely didnt keep to my new year resolution. Still, now that my exams are over I have three whole months of time to burn until I go of to university (If I even get into university xD)

Ive been working on music over the last half a year, some projects have stood the test of time where others have not. Right now though I have three full song projects in the works (one of which is about 75% finished) and one more lightweight project, as well as several others planned. My main problem is Im too much of a perfectionist and give up when I cant get things the way I want them. I certainly need to start pushing crap out though if I want to start pushing out gold. Thats how things work, not everything can be perfect.

Im going to do something different this time and instead of saying that there will be lots of stuff coming and I will get back into things properly Im going to be honest with you (and myself) and say that they will come out when they are ready. Im not going to rush on things, because I dont have fun doing that, but I will definitely try to slack on things less than I am right now.

Just posting this to mainly let you know Im not dead, and that I have a lot more free time on my hands now :)

So, Ive been planning this for quite a while. I figured that its time for change so I came up with a more original name for myself: "Arrez". Ive spent quite a bit of time getting things ready for this (A name change isnt as easy as it sounds!) and Im finally ready.

Ive decided to set myself up a new youtube account for a fresh start over there so if you subbed to my old one then be sure to sub to my new one (I dont plan on uploading songs to my old one long term). Ive also taken this opportunity to set myself up with a social media account on twitter where I can share both my music and other assorted things. You can find a link to both in my contact info.

In other news Ive also finished my first track since june last year which I feel is a massive accomplishment because Ive been struggling quite a bit when it comes to composing music over the last 6 months, and after finishing something again Ive regained a lot of my confidence. Im working on the final things I need to get it up right now and it should be up later tonight. Ill be sure to make an edit here when I get it up!

Thanks! ;D

EDIT: Here it is! I hope you all enjoy ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9-MlQ8nB_Y

Hey everyone, just thought Id let you all know I now have a soundcloud and will also upload my tracks there if you want to go check it out.

Heres the link to my profile: https://soundcloud.com/user-414910752

In other news, I have Exams for the rest of this month but Im still going to try to wedge some production in between revision (After all, It cant be all work and no play! X3) so you can still expect something from me soon, but it will probably be more towards the end of the month and starting next month that I have more free time to do things.

Thanks ~ Sigma

Hey Everyone :P I finally got a youtube channel  for my music stuff ;D

Heres the link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCsht1rzZ5r1NiU0oYMH0piw

Go check it out because youll be sure to find things there that you wont here like previews of upcoming tracks :) (theres one there already for you peeps to check out!)

It looks pretty ugly at the moment because the channel is brand new but Ill be sure to sort things out in the future ;)